Sabby And Trueblood Are Woodchoppers

Published: January 29th, 2010

TRUEBLOOD SMASH! did a flip piece called “2009 All-Keep Choppin’ Wood Team” and I originally thought it was going to be another tough guy list like the ones Howie Long or John Madden do. But as it turns out, this is not a complimentary list. Oh no it isn’t.

Every week, your Scramble writers award players, coaches and owners for mind-bogglingly bad decisions or performances — those actions that go above and beyond mediocrity and directly lead to their team losing. Over the course of the season, a few starts fall down into the dregs, and subtly or overtly hang about their team’s neck like an albatross. These are the players of the All-Keep Choppin’ Wood Team.

Their writing is almost as tortured as Florio’s, but the difference is that these guys are occasionally funny. And they have opinions on who was the most detrimental to their respective teams in 2009. Two Buccaneers were awarded this honor. And even if I hadn’t said who they were in the subject line, you would have been able to figure it out in about ten seconds.

Mike: It’s a common refrain that penalty-prone linemen are a massive liability to their offense, and it’s quite true — very few drives can survive a holding penalty, and false starts often put teams in unmanageable positions. Jeremy Trueblood, however, is in a league of his own. He’s a holding and false start machine, tied for second in the league with 13 penalties, and he’s generally a turnstile. On top of this, he somehow caught a reputation as a dirty player. Not “Olin Kruetz cheats” dirty, but “getting fined over $26,000 by the league” dirty. How do you rack up that much unnecessary roughness? Especially as an offensive lineman!

Tom: Consider him an overachiever.

Mike: He’s got to be some kind of psychopath.

In the same way Brett Favre is known for throwing game-killing interceptions like the two that defined his last two NFC Championship games, Trueblood is known for committing drive-killing penalties. And not even good penalties like an unnecessary roughness that knocks the opponent’s best pass rusher out of the game. They’re false starts and piling onto fights and shit that he should have learned by his fourth year. He needs to go and I’ll address it in my upcoming O-line article. Of course, I’d never tell him any of this to his face. That guy’s a fucking lunatic and I’m very happy with where all my bones are currently located.

Tom: So, Sabby Piscitelli. It’s kind of a fun name, in that juvenile, vaguely dirty way some Italian names are. His house was burglarized during the win against Green Bay this year, and burglary is wrong and illegal, so he has my sympathies. I hope he was covered by insurance. If you do an Internet search on him, he’s apparently somewhat of a favorite of the ladies. They had an easy time finding him this year; all they had to do was look at who was supposed to be there when Tampa Bay gave up a long touchdown pass.

They missed the most obvious joke where Sabby tried to chase down the burglars, but he took a bad angle so they got away.

Anyway, they don’t give much analysis on Sabby, but they’re correct to include him in a list of liabilities. Every now and then he comes up with a good hit or cleans up someone else’s mess, but how many times have you seen Sabby fly by a runner or get outjuked in a way that’s so embarrassing that you have to seriously consider that he might actually be an alien in human form who has never used legs before. Too many, that’s how many. I understand there might be a good safety in the draft that would be a quality upgrade over Sabby. I’ll have to look into who that might be.

I can’t believe Michael Clayton didn’t make this list as well. Granted, if you tried hard enough you could make a case for just about any player on a 3-13 team, but Clayton was leading the league for a number of weeks in the dropped passes category, and the only reason he fell down that list is because the quarterbacks just stopped passing the ball his way. Holy hell, how long can someone live off what he did so early in his career? Well, then again, The Who are playing the Super Bowl.