The Most Fun Roy Cummings Had In Years

It took a little while, but Roy Cummings did not disappoint in exploiting the survey of NFL players about which coaches they would and would not want to play for. I discussed it a couple weeks ago here and it must have taken Cummings that long to stop masturbating over the survey and figure out how he was going to make this report look as bad as possible for Jon Gruden, who was listed as one of the five coaches player would least want to play for. Let’s take a look at his points.

Well, it probably started with Gruden’s handling of [Keyshawn] Johnson, whom he kicked off the team in 2003, and maybe even his handling of former Bucs general manager Rich McKay, whom he pushed aside in a struggle for power in 2003.

Everyone knows Keyshawn is an irritant to every coach he plays for. I don’t think the fact that he finally got called on his bullshit surprised anyone. And McKay is now an impotent figurehead in Atlanta after singlehandedly flushing that team down the toilet. Is it a coincidence that the first year that he is not responsible for football decisions is the year that they’re making a comeback?

Then there were the promises he made but couldn’t keep to Keenan McCardell, his handling of Mike Alstott, whom he never really embraced, and Chris Simms, whom he never really wanted in the first place.

I don’t know about the McCardell situation. He says he was promised a raise, but he was eventually ordered to payback a million dollars to the Bucs after holding out, so who’s the real asshole? Alstott was given a paid year off and honored several times for his service to the Buccaneers. How is that mishandling him? Simms has been discussed ad nauseum here, but he was given an awful lot of money to not contribute and had a hard time finding a landing spot when he was finally released. The kicker is that the other team for which he hasn’t taken a snap is currently undefeated. Grrr.

Remember their pursuit of a playmaking wide receiver? They courted D.J. Hackett, Devery Henderson and Bryant Johnson, et al. In the end, the Bucs wound up signing Antonio Bryant off the street.

Cummings makes it sound like a bad thing. Bryant is outperforming all of them! What kind of point is he making?

They also made a run at running back Julius Jones but Jones wound up signing with Seattle. No surprise there. The Bucs haven’t signed a big-name, still-in-his-prime offensive free agent in years.

Were any of these guys even offered contracts? I think Henderson was, but I’m pretty sure he’s the only one. It’s not like the players had all these options and made a conscious decision to stay away from the Bucs. They weren’t offered contracts by the Bucs, so it makes it kind of hard to turn them down. Oh, and I would call Jeff Faine a big-name, still-in-his-prime offensive free agent. There are more than skill players on the offense, you douche.

Notice that Cummings doesn’t mention that the other coaches no one wants to play for include Bill Belichick and Tom Coughlin: Super Bowl winners. What do all the coaches on the negative side of the list have in common? They all are more coach than friend to their players and they are all known for their more disciplined approach. Is it really a surprise that players would vote against the guys who make them work the hardest or yell the most?

Yes, he says at times that Gruden’s approach seems to be working out for him now, but this article was not written to be nice. While other publications are praising Gruden for surpassing Tony Dungy as the winningest coach in Buccaneer history, he chose this particular time to lay out everything he doesn’t like about Gruden in one concise wet fart of an article. It reeks of desperation and is beneath him exactly what I would expect.