The Juice Is Loose In New Orleans

No, not O.J. He’s still locked up in Vegas and playing those customized slot machines that accept cigarettes.

Actually, it turns out that a bunch of New Orleans Saints have tested positive for banned substances. For some reason, a TV station in Colorado broke the story.

There has been a “rash of positive tests under the steroid policy as a result of players taking water pills to lose weight,” a highly-placed NFL source said.

The source told FOX 31’s Josina Anderson Friday morning that New Orleans Saints’ running back Deuce McAllister, and defensive end Will Smith were included in the web of positive tests.

“There are about six to ten overall positive tests. Three to four of them are from the Saints organization alone including McAllister and Smith.

I think we all knew that the Saints couldn’t beat the Bucs outright. The Week 1 loss had nothing to do with giving up the big plays or poor quarterback performance or inadequate special teams. They were on steroids! It all makes sense now. It’s so hard to tell with some of those guys. I mean, how would know if Jeremy Shockey is having a full-blown roid rage or if it’s just him being him?

(And, yes, I read the part where it says they actually tested positive for water pills and that they were most likely used for weight loss. I’m choosing to ignore that.)

Testing positive for a banned substance is a four game suspension. The Saints are in London this week (hmm… drugs are easier to get in Europe aren’t they? Weren’t you wondering why that team would volunteer so quickly to play a game overseas after they’ve already lost a handful of home games over the last couple years?) and no ruling is likely to come down from the NFL before that game is played. Then they have a bye week which gives the Commissioner ample time to take action. They play the Bucs again on November 30th, the fourth game after their bye, which means that all their guilty players (and there should be several) will still be suspended when they come to Tampa. Tee hee.

Water pills. Man, what a way to be taken out. They couldn’t even get busted for something cool like injecting gorilla DNA or smoking horse tranquilizers or something. I’ll post the list of guilty players when it comes out.