You Don’t Touch Noah Herron’s Shit

This is pretty old news, but I'm just now hearing about it and any story that involves a bedpost and a football player is going to be worth posting.

Noah Herron, a running back from the Green Bay Packers, beat the shit out of an intruder with a bedpost that he unscrewed when he heard glass breaking downstairs.

"Noah Herron used necessary, reasonable and justifiable force in protecting his life and property. Herron, the victim in this random home invasion, is cooperating with law enforcement and we ask that you respect his privacy during this traumatic time," said Brown County Sheriff Dennis Kocken.

It's always nice when the county sheriff backs up your God-given right beat the hell out of criminals. Although I have to disagree with the sheriff on one point. The real victim here is me. See, I linked to the story above because it was one of the few that didn't have some stupid pun in the headline. The ones about Herron running a "post" pattern are the worst, closely followed by the ones that proclaim that Noah made the burglar see two of everything. There were dozens of them, and I had to read them all. I really don't see how anyone here suffered more than I did.