From The Mailbag: Need A Date

I get a lot of mail regarding this site. Some are asking my opinions about the Bucs, some are compliments, some are complaints, some are solicitations for advertising, requests for Buccaneer information... pretty much what you would expect. And about once a week, I'll get a letter intended for a Bucs player. They are almost all from women and almost all are along the lines of...

"Hey, [player name], remember me? We went to [school] together and had the same [subject] class! Remember when [something amusing] happened? Wasn't that crazy? Glad to see you're doing so well. Write back when you can, babe!"

Now, I have Buccaneer colors on my site and the domain does include the word "Buc", but I am always amazed when someone thinks the site is the official Buc site. I even say in the About page that I have no affiliation with the team. If that didn't give it away, maybe the half-naked chicks on the front page and the constant swearing would be a clue that this is not a site that anything to do with anything professional. And even if I could get past that part, I have to wonder how anyone would expect to just click a generic contact link and have the letter get to the right person. My point is that there's a lot of obstacles standing in the way of someone sending me a letter and having it reach a Buccaneer player of their choosing.

All this leads me to the following letter, which I received this morning.

Hi Barrett, I was just wondering if you are free on [date]. I have a wedding to attend in [city] and I need a date. I am married and have 3 children!!!! So this would just be for fun. I am 5 feet 9 inches and weigh 135 lbs. If you want a picture I will send you one. I have a great sense of humor, I love to dance and you will have a great time at this wedding. Looking forward to hearing from you.

See, obviously this chick has never met Barrett Ruud before, but yet she feels like he'd be just perfect to accompany her to this wedding of people he doesn't know -- "just for fun" (I think it's cute that if, by some weird miracle, this strange athlete would agree to do this that she doesn't think she would get fucked real, real hard at the end of the date.) I have to wonder if this kind of thing has ever worked. Maybe it's just a numbers game. Maybe if a desperate chick sends out enough polite emails to enough famous people, one of them actually comes through and says that, yes, he will go out with her. I mean, spam must work to some degree or spammers wouldn't do it, right? This would have been nice to know back in high school when all I had to keep me company on a Saturday night was a speed dialer and the Clearwater phone book.