Kevin Carter Likes Upshaw, Dancing

Last week, Kevin Carter made his feelings about the labor disagreement and union leader Gene Upshaw public.

"We're completely unified," vows Bucs defensive end Kevin Carter, a member of the NFL Players Association's executive committee. "We have total confidence in NFLPA head Gene Upshaw. The man has given 25 years of his life to the union and everything we've ever brought to him, he's gotten it done."

Has no one told Carter that Upshaw went from upstanding union leader to batshit crazy sideshow about five years ago? Someone really ought to let him know. You'd think he'd have gotten a clue about it when Upshaw started shoving his arm all the way up Carter's ass to make him say all those supportive things. And "completely unified" might be an overstatement. Matt Stover, Ted Johnson, Domonique Foxworth, Kyle Turley, and pretty much every disabled former player ever have all had recent criticisms of Upshaw. And those are just the ones off the top of my head. Imagine if I knew how to use Google.

But the union isn't the only thing Carter is talking about. Chris Harry of the Orlando Sentinel got Carter's opinion of Jason Taylor's situation.

"Jason is a stand-up guy, all the way around. He does the right thing. Whether he's seeking to get out of there or what -- I don't know what his deal or his professional plan is -- there is no doubt in my mind that if Jason wants to play football he will be totally committed to this game. He's proven that time and time again. JT comes to play."

Then it got weird.

"I would TOTALLY love to do dancing with the stars."

I like the way the word "TOTALLY" is capitalized. It's hard to hear it in your head without a slightly gay ring to it, though, isn't it? Go ahead and re-read the quote and try to not make it sound gay. Pretty hard, right? Besides, I don't think Carter is right for the show. He's a great football player and an awesome guy, but he doesn't quite have the look they're going for.

Taylor, on the other hand, is completely hot and absolutely jumps off the screen with his sparkling eyes and his amazing smile. Now, the challenge is to make that sentence sound less gay.