Jon Gruden Has Opinions About His Quarterbacks

On the last day of the owners meetings in Palm Beach, someone finally caught up with Jon Gruden and asked him a few questions about his team. Some of his answers were boring and therefore will not be reprinted here. Here are some choice quotes:

on Brian Griese: "I like Brian. He's smart. Above the neck, he's rare and I'm happy to have him back."

(I once knew a hooker who was rare above the neck, but I think he means something different. I hope he means something different.)

on Luke McCown: "Luke McCown has shown some promise. If he can eliminate some of the boneheaded plays -- turnovers deep in our territory, taking a couple of sacks he didn't need to take - he'll improve."

(Doesn't everyone improve if they eliminate mistakes? Isn't that the definition of improving? This comment also makes me doubt how much faith they actually have in McCown. I thought they were still pretty high on him, but I'd expect more praise if that were the case.)

on Chris Simms: "It's hard to accommodate everyone's wants and wishes. We paid Chris Simms $7.5 million. We want to win. He's part of our plans and we want him to compete."

(I love the fact that he mentioned his salary during the time he was sucking/injured. Basically he's telling Simms to suck it up and be glad he was able to get paid for rehabbing. I like it.)

on Warrick Dunn: "Inside of him, there's a war daddy."

(This is the second time in a couple weeks I had heard the term "war daddy" after never hearing it before. I googled it and, sure enough, it's a real expression. Now I'm just wondering why Dunn isn't a war daddy himself, but instead has one inside of him. Eww.)

on Jeff Faine: "I don't know about his contract, the highest salary ever for a center. I just hope he doesn't start acting like a quarterback."

(Translation: Quarterbacks are overpaid prima donnas.)

on Jake Plummer: "He's retired, They say I collect quarterbacks. One of them hasn't played in two years (Chris Simms) and one of them retired."

(Translation: I need more overpaid prima donnas.)

Notably absent from comments: Bruce Gradkowski. I was sure a couple weeks ago that the Bucs would ignore quarterbacks in the draft, but if Simms is on his way out, Gruden refers to McCown as "boneheaded" and Gradkowski doesn't even warrant mentioning, he could be in the market for someone else. Anyone who has stock in Mediocre Quarterbacks, Inc. should sell soon because the market is about to get flooded.