Arthur Blank Has Been Dicknotized

I can think of no other good explanation for why Arthur Blank would not only give Rich McKay a two-year extension but also a raise. He has him under deep, deep dicknosis.

McKay remains Blank's top adviser in the current search, a dynamic that has several league officials and agents of coaching and GM candidates somewhat perplexed, since McKay has significant sway in hiring his replacement and will remain with the team in a high-ranking capacity.

Of course this means that McKay will continue to hold all the cards in the Atlanta front office. If the new GM succeeds, McKay will continue to be a part of that success. If the new GM fails, McKay can stand back and say, "See what happens when you take away the GM duties from me?"

Blank's process here is pretty irrational, which is one of the symptoms of dicknosis. It probably happened when Blank first interviewed McKay. McKay walked into Blank's office, reached into his pants, pulled out what must be an enormous trouser python, and said, "Who's got complete control over all football functions?" Blank obediently answered, "You do!" while never removing his eyes from McKay's package, even to blink. The answer to getting McKay out of Atlanta is obvious: Hire someone with an even bigger cock than McKay. For example, have they interviewed Mike Singletary yet? Or alternatively, as the Urban Dictionary suggests, "the only known cure is a good, old fashioned bitch/pimp slap administered by a close friend."

It's not that I want to see the Falcons succeed. I just hate seeing Rich McKay happy.