Bucs Win By Not Playing

The Buccaneers solidified their position at the top of the NFC South and helped themselves immensely in the wildcard race by staying home and drinking beer. This lends credibility to my theory that if I just sit here and fuck off all day long that I will eventually rise to the position of president. I will also stop exercising and eat only Ho-Hos in an attempt to win Mr. Universe. I'm ambitious like that.

After Reggie Bush scored an admittedly impressive touchdown just over two minutes into the Saints game against the Rams, it looked like the Saints were going to walk away with another victory. Then 34 Rams points and three quarters later, they were still nursing that same touchdown and making the winless Rams look brilliant. I mean, come on. A running back pass to a receiver in the end zone? LaDainian Tomlinson did that three times in Drew Brees's last season in San Diego. Brees couldn't have warned his defense about that when he saw the formation they lined up in? Not that I wasn't happy about it. In fact, I don't know of any other time I've rooted for the Rams.

The Panthers have lost every single home game so far this season. Isn't that just fantastic? They might as well allow the visiting team to name their stadium for a day. The Falcons could have named it "Bad Newz Field" yesterday because Michael Vick jokes never, ever get old. Where else could Joey Harrington have completed 73% of his passes and Morten Andersen connect from 47 yards out? Meanwhile, Vinny Testaverde put down his walker long enough to throw for under 50% and no touchdowns as announcers droned on and on about his experience and everything he's seen in his 21 years in the league. Every time the Falcons blitzed and Vinny heaved the ball to no one, they made it a point to say that he's seen that blitz before. "You know, Testaverde has seen more ways to piss a game away than anyone else in the league." As awesome as Steve Smith is, he can't turn that team around without a quarterback. To their credit, though, Jon Beason looks like a really solid draft pick.

So, thanks to the Saints and Panthers losing to vastly inferior teams yesterday, the Bucs are alone in first place in the NFC South with one-and-a-half game leads on both of them. And with the Giants, Redskins and Lions all losing, the Bucs are only one game out of a wildcard spot... just in case the Saints pull it together and somehow win the division.

Ha! Who am I kidding? Buy your playoff tickets now, people.