Power Rankings = Bullshit

The Saints have hired a new staff member that not many people know about. Her sole job is to fly to the headquarters of various national media outlets, find the writers that contribute to their NFL Power Rankings, and blow them on behalf of the New Orleans Saints. Some of those rankings are compiled by several writers, so there are some days when she's under desks giving head all day long. Because she is in such a sensitive position, her identity is kept a close secret by the Saints brass, but I have my suspicions.

This is the only possible explanation I can think of as to why the Saints are ranked so high in this week's Power Rankings (actually, I had thought of a couple other explanations, but I really like this one the best.)

Let's first take a look at ESPN. The Saints are ranked #11 and the Bucs are #13. Notice that the Saints are ranked above two teams with better records than theirs, including a team that actually beat them 31-14. Now, I will give ESPN the benefit of the doubt here. The Saints are, indeed, on a roll now and they did beat two teams that the Bucs lost to. But the rest of their season is just about as easy as Tampa Bay's, and the Bucs have several guys coming back to the roster after the bye. I say because of their head-to-head loss against the Bucs that the Saints should be ranked lower. But this isn't so egregious. I attribute this to the fact that the rankings are compiled by eight different guys, so the Saints special agent couldn't spend enough quality time with each of them. Also, one of them is Len Pasquerelli, whom she refused to touch, so I'm sure he held that against the team.

But the FoxSports rankings... holy shit. I'm guessing Ms. Rothstein is a Republican because she obviously went above and beyond with the Fox guy. I mean, we're talking about stuff she would need to shower thoroughly after. Weird stuff. Butt stuff. The Saints are ranked at #8 while the Buccaneers toil away at #15. The Saints, at 4-4, are even above the Lions who are at 6-2 and just came off of a 44-7 ass-kicking of the Broncos. In fact, New Orleans is ranked above five teams with better records. Regardless of a seemingly easy upcoming schedule and a current winning streak, there is no justification for ranking this team so high. Head, people. I'm telling you... it's all about head.