Game 9 Preview: Cardinals

Five Things You Didn't Know About The Cardinals

1. Larry Fitzgerald knocked up a cheerleader. Wait a second, it's not as cool as it sounds. The former cheerleader is 37 years old. From what I know, Fitzgerald is still 24 and exceedingly wealthy, so I can't really explain why he's going after chicks who could be his... well, much older sister. The good news for Fitzgerald is she's a former Oakland cheerleader, so she's used to being treated like shit.
2. Matt Leinart nailed Paris Hilton last year. Together with Reggie Bush's foray into Kim Kardashian's gaping grotto means that 85% of USC's championship offense has herpes.
3. Jerheme Urban's first name is pronounced "Jeremy". Seriously. Jerheme's parents are still laughing about that one.
4. "Pink Taco Stadium" would have sounded so much cooler than "University of Phoenix Stadium". And think of the merchandising!
5. Former Cardinals assistant coach Richie Anderson was arrested for soliciting a cop-dressed-as-a-hooker. Someone should have told him it's more customary to get your hooker to dress like a cop. Or so I hear. Now spread 'em and assume the position.

We still don't know who the quarterback will be, but whoever it is will be a game manager rather than a real threat. Turns out Kurt Warner is going to be the quarterback. The reason, of course, is that Matt Leinart is out with a broken collarbone. Say, how's rehab going, Matt?

So we're left with two incredible receivers (Anquan Boldin is probably the third best receiver in the league right now) who will be running 8-yard outs and crosses. This is a game made for Cato June, who had better hit at least one Cardinal hard enough that the viewing public fears for his life. Bonus points if June makes the other guy's head snap back like a Pez dispenser. Edgerrin James is having a better season than he did last year, but that isn't saying much. He's still coming in at under four yards per carry and his offensive line isn't doing him any favors.

I went to write this line about the Cardinals' defense and then I realize I couldn't name a single starter without looking them up. It turns out their defense is 10th in the league in yards allowed (pretty good) but 20th in the league in points allowed (pretty crappy), leading me to believe that their opponents are getting the benefit of a short field driving the length of the field and not getting any points. Bucs by 10.