David Boston Is Neglecteriffic

Former Buccaneer wide receiver and self-date rapist David Boston was arrested Monday on a bunch of charges that, by themselves don't seem so bad, but put together paint Boston as kind of a pussy.

Boston was arrested for felony false imprisonment for preventing his wife from calling 911, misdemeanor domestic battery, culpable negligence and resisting an officer without violence. He was released from jail Monday after a bail hearing.

Usually when you hear "false imprisonment", you think of some fugitive who has a broad tied to a chair with a ball gag in her mouth as he peers nervously out the side of a window. Boston is charged with it because he pulled a phone out of a wall so his wife couldn't call 911. And the domestic battery charge would have had a lot more street cred if it didn't involve him throwing a couch cushion. And do I need to even go into "resisting an officer without violence"? Who is he now, Gandhi? After all those steroids, you'd think he'd have a healthier surplus of anger to draw from.

The worst one, though, is the culpable negligence charge for leaving his one-month old son in the house by himself crying as Boston locked his wife out and went for a drive. I mean, it makes sense he wouldn't know what to do with a crying baby. He can't swallow the baby and it doesn't have any needles attached to it, so it's pretty much a mystery to him. But Boston should at least leave the door unlocked so the wife can get in and take care of the baby before he goes out for a good cry. How is he able to reproduce at this stage, anyway? His balls have got to be the size of Tic-Tacs by now. There's more to this story that we're not hearing.

(Thanks to Paul for the link.)