The Seahawks Taste Like Ass

Ever wanted to taste Matt Hasselbeck? It's a rhetorical question, of course. I mean, who hasn't? Well, thanks to modern technology and the pot-heads over at Jones Soda, you can.

Clare Bowles, a spokeswoman for the Seattle-based company, said the four literally named flavors -- Dirt, Sports Cream, Perspiration and Natural Field Turf -- are "pretty lifelike."

This is the same company that brought you soda flavors like Turkey & Gravy, Sweet Potato and my favorite, Pea. Mmmmm.... pea.

The football-themed sodas are each represented on the bottle by a Seahawk player who, one would assume, approved this. Meaning that Deion Branch doesn't mind being the salty one. If you ask me, Jones Soda is missing out on a huge opportunity here. The majority of football's fanbase is men. Instead of making the soda taste like the players, they should make it taste like the cheerleaders. One could be that sweet body lotion from Victoria's Secret, another could taste like candy and have little pieces of body glitter in it, and one could taste like sugar and spice and everything nice. In fact, this idea could work for the cheerleaders of just about any of the teams. Except for the Panthers. Unless they can make a soda that tastes like cat food and herpes.