Looking for a story about an NFL player and dogs that doesn't include a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo and won't make you weep openly at your desk? Chris Hovan loves bulldogs! No, not Georgia Bulldogs. No one like them.

I just like their temperament. I guess they remind me a lot of myself. Short, stocky, short-tempered and really like to sleep a lot.

Wait, maybe he is talking about Georgia Bulldogs. Or bridge trolls. Except bridge trolls are generally more pleasant. The article also uses the word "poop" three times, which is just adorable.

I also like the lack of sympathy for Michael Vick, who has gotten more than his fair share of it... much of it coming from the 1995 Dallas Cowboys roster.

Q. Have you read some of the allegations about Michael Vick's dogfighting ring?

A. It's really disgusting. He takes those dogs out there, and if they're not up to his expectations, then it's over, they're put to death. If that is what's true . . . then that's just reprehensible, I think.

If he had stopped talking right there, PETA would have sent him a certificate of merit and a coupon for tofu burgers. Alas...

Q. Do you have a problem with dog racing?

A. Not really because the dogs at the end are not being shot or killed. They're not being executed.

Tales of abuse (no pun) involving race dogs are widespread and though dog racing is above ground and exposed to a degree, animal rights organizations have no patience for those who participate in or endorse it. Sadly, Hovan will have to save his acceptance speech for another time.

Like when he wins the Super Bowl MVP in six months!

(It could happen, right? That early-season optimism is starting to kick in.)

Looking for a story about an NFL player and dogs that doesn't include a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo and won't make you weep openly at your desk? Chris Hovan loves bulldogs! No, not Georgia Bulldogs. No one like them.

I just like their temperament. I guess they remind me a lot of myself. Short, stocky, short-tempered and really like to sleep a lot.

Wait, maybe he is talking about Georgia Bulldogs. Or bridge trolls. Except bridge trolls are generally more pleasant. The article also uses the word "poop" three times, which is just adorable.

I also like the lack of sympathy for Michael Vick, who has gotten more than his fair share of it... much of it coming from the 1995 Dallas Cowboys roster.

Q. Have you read some of the allegations about Michael Vick's dogfighting ring?

A. It's really disgusting. He takes those dogs out there, and if they're not up to his expectations, then it's over, they're put to death. If that is what's true . . . then that's just reprehensible, I think.

If he had stopped talking right there, PETA would have sent him a certificate of merit and a coupon for tofu burgers. Alas...

Q. Do you have a problem with dog racing?

A. Not really because the dogs at the end are not being shot or killed. They're not being executed.

Tales of abuse (no pun) involving race dogs are widespread and though dog racing is above ground and exposed to a degree, animal rights organizations have no patience for those who participate in or endorse it. Sadly, Hovan will have to save his acceptance speech for another time.

Like when he wins the Super Bowl MVP in six months!

(It could happen, right? That early-season optimism is starting to kick in.)