Simms Vs. Culpepper: Who Sucks Less?

Ok, let's break this down logically. Jeff Garcia is starting, Bruce Gradkowski isn't going anywhere, Jake Plummer is juggling potatoes or some damn thing in Idaho, and Luke McCown probably doesn't have enough experience to warrant a roster spot. So what you're looking at really is comparing Chris Simms to Daunte Culpepper. And since I've been into making lists this week, we'll do it that way.

FINANCIAL: Simms just got a $3 million signing bonus and is due $2 million in salary for 2007. If he is released or traded, Simms will account for $1.5 million in dead cap space for 2007 and 2008, which isn't so bad. Culpepper is insistent on getting only a one-year deal to "prove" himself to a team and then become a free agent in 2008 where, he might be able to get a bigger deal. This probably means that he will work pretty cheap in 2007. Say, $1 million in total compensation? Culpepper also doesn't have an agent, which means that if I were Bruce Allen I would totally slip language into his contract that said I could dress him up like Captain Fear before every game and make him talk like a pirate. Except in December when I would make him dress like Santa Claus. Who doesn't love Santa?

STARTING POTENTIAL: As I said above, Garcia is starting and neither of these guys is Gruden's ideal West Coast quarterback. So this is, at best, a competition for the backup who gets to wear the headset while also holding the clipboard. Culpepper's plan to prove that he is healthy and ready to play doesn't work out so well if he is riding pine for a full season. At least he'd stay in football shape, though, and wouldn't be getting himself injured, which in itself would probably make him more valuable next year than he is right now. Jacksonville, the other team that has shown interest in Culpepper, has a much weirder quarterback situation going on and he would have just as good a shot at starting in 2007 as Byron Leftwich or David Garrard, assuming Culpepper really is healthy enough to play in the first place. Speaking of which...

HEALTH: What is Jon Gruden's fascination with trying to turn the Buccaneers into the Special Olympics for quarterbacks? Anyone remember Jim Miller's tenure in Tampa? Of course you don't. He was never healthy enough to practice let alone play. Same for Jay Fiedler last year. Now he's courting Culpepper, who is coming off a knee injury so severe that many said it would end his career (and that may still be true.) Simms, despite saying that he is 100% healthy, is admittedly throwing the ball poorly and by some accounts has actually gotten worse during the offseason. Most of Culpepper's offseason has been spent talking with the media and rehabing, so there's not much to evaluate yet.

LAST YEAR: Simms started three games, 1 TD, 7 INT, 54.7% comp. Culpepper started four games, 2 TD, 3 INT, 60.4% comp. So, in fact, Culpepper on a bad knee for four games had a better season than a healthy Simms for two-and-a-half games (he gets a pass for the second half of the Carolina game.) Culpepper certainly protected the ball better. Of course, a greased-up deaf guy would have protected the ball better than Simms did last year.

HISTORY: Culpepper's 2003 and 2004 seasons can't be ignored. Both of them were excellent, but then in 2005 he tanked. Is this because Randy Moss was so good that he masked Culpepper's problems or because the receivers left after Moss went to Oakland were so very bad? We all saw Simms improve in 2005 and then suck with gusto in 2006. Which is the real Chris Simms?

I guess if I had to choose and one option wasn't putting them both in a burlap sack and throwing them off the Skyway, I'd stick with Simms. Culpepper would be coming into a completely foreign situation where there is already a new starter. Simms knows the system and has been good more recently than Culpepper. I also get the feeling from Culpepper that he is only really looking out for himself. Knowing he had a one year contract would make him a perpetual visitor in the locker room. He would have no love for the team, which may put other players off of him. Simms has stated before how much he enjoys being in Tampa and how he would really like to play his entire career there. That's worth something. Let Culpepper go to Jacksonville.