Derek Watson Is Easily Fooled, Arrested

Remember Derek Watson? He was the peppy little running back that made some noise for the Bucs in the 2005 preseason, stuck around on the practice squad, was eventually promoted to the active roster, then was waived. If you read various Buccaneer message boards, you can still find folks hopeful that Watson will make his comeback and lead the team to the promised land. Between him and Larry Brackins, Tampa Bay could run the table, right? (that joke was for a particular audience.)

Anyway, Watson was arrested yesterday for burglary and larceny. But it's not just a case of him being hungry and looking for food or needing to steal some jewelry to buy crack. That would make him seem resourceful. This is much funnier.

The call came from Felecia Hallums, who said that her former girlfriend's brother had kicked in the door of her apartment looking for his "stuff." When officers said that they would get a search warrant, they said Hallums told them that Watson was looking for two guns that she had hidden behind a refrigerator.

Watson told deputies that he had sold the guns to Hallums and that Hallums had given her sister 28 counterfeit $20 bills to pay him for the guns. Deputies said that Watson had the $560 in counterfeit bills in his pocket.

Watson was illegally selling guns and was paid for them in counterfeit money. Awesome. Does Watson have an explanation for his actions?

Deputies said Watson refused to make a written statement, but while he was being transported, their dashboard camera recorded him saying, "What is worse, selling drugs or guns?"

Well, Derek, selling drugs is a crime that falls under your local police's jurisdiction. Selling guns... yeah, that's pretty much federal. So good luck with that. But I like your rationalization that if you're not selling drugs, it should be all cool. In fact, I'd go a step further and say that anyone who doesn't sell drugs should get a free Blizzard at Dairy Queen today.

In my experience, counterfeit money is easily identifiable. Most of it looks like it started life as a black and white photocopy that was colored in with green crayons. I worked at a place a number of years ago that sold various computer products worldwide. With one exception we only accepted credit cards and checks for payment, but the one time we took cash, it was fake. I knew immediately and called the FBI who told me to call the Secret Service. I called the Tampa Secret Service office and spoke to a man there who was pretty nonchalant about the whole thing and said that someone might come and see me about it... maybe. I swear it wasn't more than fifteen minutes later (I worked in Clearwater at the time) that a tall dude in a suit showed up with the cool ID and everything. He looked at the fake money (which was now referred to as "evidence") and said, "This really isn't very good at all." Then he wrote me a note that was supposed to act like a receipt for the evidence. In the end, my company got screwed because we didn't have the money, and the guy who gave me the money got screwed because I totally gave up his name about one second after the officer came into my office.

My point is 1) Derek Watson should have recognized the fake money right away. This isn't the mob we're talking about here. It's South Carolina. 2) Felecia Hallums has huge balls for paying Watson in fake money knowing he was armed with guns that most likely couldn't be traced back to him. And 3) No one wins in the counterfeit money game. Except the actual counterfeiters themselves, apparently. They seem to be making out pretty good.